Day 0-What Am I Doing Here?

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God...this is my first blog ever and I don't know what to say...

Erm...Hi, I guess.

This wasn't my idea, but J's. J is the person I live with. We've been living together for eight years. It's like a marriage, with J as the nagging wife and me the hen pecked husband. Anyway, J got tired of me sitting on my ass all day looking at a blank screen. 'Start writing, asshole!' Says J. But I can't. I just don't have it in me.

'You know what you need to do?' (J often starts his sentences like this) 'You need to start your own blog.'

J actually stood behind me and watched me sign up to this thing. Like I said: he's like my freakin' wife.

God, another blog--another, fucking blog. Isn't the world sick of these things, yet? Do I really one be one of those people who shares ever single boring detail of her life with a group of strangers? What I had for breakfast...what mood I'm in...were my stools loose or solid?

No, I need to stop bitching. I actually admire people who have their own blogs. At least they're doing something with the lives. My sister, for chrissakes, has her own website! My lazy, shut in, lithium popping, bathe-only-Tuesdays sister has a freakin' website. She hasn't seen sunlight in five years and she has her own internet following. Surely, if that vampire can do something productive, so can I? I was supposed to be the good one, after all. The smart one. The one who went to college. My sister dropped out of high school and got a GED.

My sister and I have hated each other for years. Actually, she hates me. I don't really think that much about her now that we no longer live in the same house. I don't boil over at the mention of her name as she does at mine, and, to be very honest, I wish her all the best. But I was almost certain she was doing as poorly as I am, maybe a little worse. I didn't expect her to accomplish anything, and yet, last week my mom chirps on the phone that Sis has her own website and has finished a novel. Sonuvabitch.

That's my problem. I'm always under estimating Vampira. She may not show much ambition in getting a job, or ridding the stink on her person, but when she sets her mind to something, the bitch is unstoppable. Only thing is, there isn't much she gets excited about besides Japanese cartoons and hot wings. At least she doesn't over think every freakin' move, like I do. If I had such motivation I could really get my projects off the ground. This blog is a start. Guess I owe you one, J.

(Hey...who wrote that song 'Separate Ways'? That was Journey, right? Yeah, it was. J's little brother is on the phone boo-hooing over some chick he banged and broke up with. He's wants a list of songs to text the lyrics to his ex. I suggest 'Separate Ways' by Journey. J says 'Separate Lives' by Phil Collins because J is a giant vagina...so is his lil' brother. Who in the hell text song lyrics to his ex-girlfriend? Douche. I am so going to laugh in his face.)