What the hell happened to me?

I remember this girl ten years ago. She was lively, fun to be around, and always full of hope and optimism about her future. Ten years later she's become a miserable and wretched person, who lashes out at all the important people in her life and sees life in general as a pointless, meandering excursion through disappointment, uncertainty, and failure.

Is this what it means to get old?

If so-God! Let it end now. I exaggerate. Of course, I don't won't my life to end. Even with all the heartache and let-downs with which I'm now suffering, I remain ever the insufferable optimist. In the general view of things, I've decided that life is good and that there are always brighter days ahead. The problem is a let all the the tiny, short-lived hassles drag me down way more than I should. Though foul moods never last longer than the discomfort which provoked it, all those little pissy moments of mine add up; and it doesn't matter if I'm right as rain when the weather clears, because I would already caused my loved ones and others unnecessary emotional strain. It's a selfish way to respond, which is the reason my boyfriend has just given me an ultimatum: either I straighten up my attitude or we're finished. Our little talk was no surprise to me. I had known for years that I was due for one considering how patient he's been with me while other men would have booted me long ago. Though it hurt to hear some of the things he said, I'm glad he said them. The tough love pulled me out of my fog of self-entitlement. At first I thought he didn't love me anymore and just stayed with me out of obligation, but if that were true I don't think he would have said anything to me.

In any case, it's true that I have to stop complaining about me life, which is pretty good compared to most. I absolutely hate my job; that's never going to change. But what can change is my attitute. I'm working on my book--my 'bad' book, really--and though I haven't made much progress on it, if I keep working at it and keep my spirits up, I can be done with it in no time.

Oh, and what the heck is a 'bad' book? I'll get that at some other time. What's important right now is is that I right it and get my head straight. I still have a lot of life to live yet.